Host: Senator, do you really believe that they are all hardliners?
Are they more hardline than Isis? Don’t you think that, all things
considered, an agreement with Iran would be better for the Middle East?
Cotton: I think that if Iran wanted to stop Isis, they would. Why did they have to let it get this far? They found Saddam Hussein’s picture in Isis’s trenches. I saw the pictures myself. This shows that they support their former leader. So how can they say that these people aren’t connected to Iran?
Host: How does the existence of photos of Saddam Hussein in Isis trenches prove their connection to Iran?
Cotton: He was their former leader, so it’s natural that many people there still love him. Sure, we executed him, but many still love him.
Host: The Iranians were at war with Saddam Hussein; how can they love him?
Cotton: That is simply their propaganda, which Obama has willingly accepted. If the Iranians were against Isis they could stop them in a heartbeat. They have plenty of missiles so it would be no problem for them.
Host: But Iran has to get permission from Iraq to attack Isis...
Cotton: Don’t switch up the names on me. You keep saying Iran and Iraq, I’ve been hearing these names for a few years and let me tell you, you can’t solve the problem by just swapping a ‘q’ for an ‘n.’ The enemy is the enemy. That’s what Netanyahu was talking about. He even showed us a picture of the atom bomb, but many ridiculed him. An atom bomb!
Host: Senator, you think Iran and Iraq are the same thing?
Cotton: Well, why do you act like they’re two separate entities?
Host: Because they’re two separate countries who went to war with each other, Senator.
Cotton: Which one did we attack? It was Iran, wasn’t it...
Host: No, Senator; it was Iraq.
Cotton: Then why did we kill Saddam Hussein?
Host: Because Hussein was the president of Iraq...
Cotton: I don’t get it! I mean, if I knew Hebrew I could look at these writings from Zarif and tell you why Iranians are such liars...
Host: Iranians don’t speak Hebrew, Senator.
Cotton: What difference does it make! Iraqis, Iranians, they’re both helping Isis in order to fulfill their ultimate goal of reviving the Ottoman Empire and restarting the Crusades!
Host: I think you’re talking about Turkey now.
Cotton: Don’t start piling the countries on me, now. Another day, another name I have to remember. All we’re saying is that the Middle East is a mess; let’s just finish it once and for all.